Can anybody help a friend with a marital problem

[PALAPEE]

Hi everybody

I write this request on behalf of a very dear friend of mine. He is experiencing a very difficult time in his life. He has been married for 7 years with 2 lovely kids. We all have our share of problems in life, and when one is married, the problems sem never ending.

My friend loves his wife very much, but the time has come he says that he cannot take anymore. He knew from the start that she had a fiery temper. She would fly off the handle when she didn t agree with something. She never reasoned properly and sometimes she could be very violent. He is turn put up with her tantrums, thinking that with time she would calm down, see sense and lead a happy life.

As the years went by he devoted his life to his wife. He lost touch with his own family in favour of her family. He did whatever she asked him. In return she gave him 2 beautiful kids. During this period, he experienced many unsavoury moments from his wife. There were good times, but the bad times were beginning to mount, and as i said because he loved her so much he didn t dare do anything. He was kicked out of his home so many times, yet he came back, always forgiving with a smile on his face. Never, has my friend been violent, nor has ever spoken back, nor has ever gone out with his friends, nor his family, nor his colleagues at work his entire life was devoted to pleasing her.

However, a few weeks ago, during another tantrum, he was asked again to leave the home. He slept in the car and again next day turned up as if nothing happened. But, this time he could not bring himself to smile, nor even to look at his wife, nor even to talk to her.

She has of course taken offence to this situation, and keeps badgering him with lashings of untold misery. However, i fear that my friend is not the same person i knew him to be. Mamy have advised him to leave her, to teach her a lesson. What about the kids somebody else says? And what would people say, somebody else shouts.

I know my friend still loves his wife, but he has told me he doesn t like her ways and attitude. He is at a complete loss....and i fear he is heading towards the inevitable break down.

If you have been kind enough to read so far, please be kind enough top offer some advise...i really want to help my friend but if anybody has experienced the same problems, perhaps they could share their thoughts and help my friend get back on track with his life.

God bless you all.

[PALAPEE]

Rocco you seem a very wise person...any thoughts on this one .

[Rocco]

Posté par PALAPEE

Rocco you seem a very wise person...any thoughts on this one .

Palapee, primarily allow me to thank you for having thought of me as someone who might be able to advise in this sad situation. By analysing the content of your post, it strikes me that your dear friend allowed the situation to degenerate to such a stage whereby the wife in question wears the trousers indoors. Undoubtedly, he must have foreseen the end result prior to his marriage to her, unless it was an arranged one where both partners were ignorant about each other’s behaviour, attitude, likes and dislikes.

It is a sad case when children are involved, we nowadays live in a selfish society where some people care for their own needs and overlook others’
Your friend will have to assess the pattern of such irresponsible behaviour and compile the trend for a conclusion. There are some nice women who are adorable most of the time; however, with a sudden change in their body constitution and in the stage of PMT (Pre Menstruation Tension) they alter into a different person.

If your friend has elected to cut ties with his own blood for the satisfaction of his wife, then, he has got major problem. He, for once will have to entertain the role of a husband and act manly, I am in no way implying that he should be brutal or aggressive, he just has to be assertive and let her know that every union runs in partnership.

Next time, he is thrown out of his house, advise him to stay put as he is also a major contributor to their family home. Ask him to select an appropriate time when the wife is in a good mood for a serious talk, then he can discus with her that the frequent quarrels will have some negative effects on the children in a long term.

May I suggest that they approach the Family Guidance unit to air their domestic problems in view of some good professional advice.
Your friend will have to have a good self assessment, if he needs to improve on himself as a husband, friend, lover, advisor and partner to her, then immediate actions ought to be taken to remedy the situation.

Some men take it for granted once they are married, they let themselves go and neglect their appearance, remember that we live in a competitive society where we are measured up to others.
Probably a holiday just the two of them might improve their relationship.

Palapee, I sincerely don’t know what qualifies me to offer such advice, but do forgive me if some of the content clash with your views.

I hope that things improve in your friend’s relationship with his wife.

Rocco

[PALAPEE]

Rocco,

I must say you have become more than just a name on this site and i thank you sincerely for your kind words and advice. I think what you say is very relevant to this unfortunate situation and be sure that one evening i will sit with my friend, in a pub, with a pint of beer, in a town, in London and i will relay your message to him clearly and hope with all the hope that our dear lord can offer, this situation resolves itself - peacefully.

Thanks Rocco.....

[Rocco]

Posté par PALAPEE

Rocco,

I must say you have become more than just a name on this site and i thank you sincerely for your kind words and advice. I think what you say is very relevant to this unfortunate situation and be sure that one evening i will sit with my friend, in a pub, with a pint of beer, in a town, in London and i will relay your message to him clearly and hope with all the hope that our dear lord can offer, this situation resolves itself - peacefully.

Thanks Rocco.....

Thanks for your appreciation Palapee, this is what RM is for, and I quite frequently seek advice here too. Your friend is fortunately to have a buddy like you who cares for his wellbeing; it is a nice suggestion on your part to meet with him to discuss his marital problems.

I would say that a pub would not be an appropriate venue with all the activities going on around you two, choose an area quiet and conducive to your conversation as he will need to concentrate on your delivery.

I forgot to mention that he ought to inform the police in confidentiality of such situation for his own protection, one never knows these days!

If I had a profile of both his wife and himself, I would be probably more helpful in advising.

For confidentiality, it would be more appropriate to drop me a private message; after all, we haven’t heard the wife’s version of the story.

Thanks for helping your friend.

Rocco

[PALAPEE]

dear Rocco,

You are indeed a very kind human being, there are not many like you in this world. Thank you for your dedication in this matter...i would like to accept your suggestion that we communicate privately, please tell me how i can do this....sometimes in life help comes from unexpected sources and i welcome your help with open arms.

regards

[Rocco]

Palapee, just contact me through Private Message of RM.

Rocco

[Rocco]

Eski kikenne ti capave aide nou camarade Palapee a aider son ami? surement zote fine tanne ene cas pareil . Alors ki moyen ti utiliser pou resoudre problem la?

Rocco

[bomli]

Posté par Rocco

Eski kikenne ti capave aide nou camarade Palapee a aider son ami? surement zote fine tanne ene cas pareil . Alors ki moyen ti utiliser pou resoudre problem la?

Rocco

You've been of very good advice already my friend! What could I say that you haven't pointed out already ?
May I simply emphasize the importance of seeking the help of an advisor ; both parties could express themselves in front of a neutral person and find together the means of communicating better.
And since one never knows what is in store, it would be indeed important to see the police when it occurs. Shit unfortunately happens, your friend could just fill in a report, it's a simple way of protecting oneself.
I really hope you'll find a way to soothe your friend soon.

[Dev]

Posté par Rocco

Eski kikenne ti capave aide nou camarade Palapee a aider son ami? surement zote fine tanne ene cas pareil . Alors ki moyen ti utiliser pou resoudre problem la?

Rocco

To fine déjà donne beaucoup d'infos à Palapee , mais c'est ene probléme pas facile car besoin get la version des deux parties d'abord. Besoin ena ene dimoune neutral au milieu du couple pour discuter avec zotte. Palapee c'est so meilleur ami , c'est normal qui so meilleur ami vine confié li avec so cam mais attention li pe donne zis so version des faits ......