22/03/2007, 11h31
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Lol
The Farmer and the Cow
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things... you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that was so horrible? Farmer: Well, if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over. Man: That's not so bad, what's the big deal? Farmer: Some things... you just can't explain. Man: So then what happened. Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things... ya just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. Man: So then what did you do? Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Wow, you must have been pretty upset! Farmer: Some things... you just can't explain. Man: So then what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took o! ff my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that very moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. 
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22/03/2007, 11h32
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>FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies
and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper! . St. Peter said, "Well, >Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven." > Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was." > St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. > First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? >Second: How many seconds are there in a 1 year? >Third: What is God's first name?" > Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have >had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers." > Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow." > The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter. > "How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be ! twelve." > Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" > Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... >" > "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"? > "Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy." > "Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. > "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?" > "Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song, > "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN." St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run." Give me a >sense of humor, Lord. >Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, >To get some humor out of life, >And to pass it on to other folk. >
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22/03/2007, 11h34
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WORDS AND MEANINGS...
ARBITRATOR -- A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds. AVOIDABLE -- What a bullfighter tried to do. BERNADETTE -- The act of torching a mortgage. BURGLARIZE -- What a crook sees with. CONTROL -- A short, ugly inmate. COUNTERFEITERS -- Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. ECLIPSE -- What a barber does for a living. EYEDROPPER -- A clumsy ophthalmologist. HEROES -- What a guy in a boat does. LEFTBANK -- What the robber did when his bag was full of money. MISTY -- How golfers create divots. PARADOX -- Two physicians. PARASITES -- What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. PHARMACIST -- A helper on the farm. POLARIZE -- What penguins see with. PRIMATE -- Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. RELIEF -- What trees do in the Spring. RUBBERNECK -- What you do to relax your wife. SELFISH -- What the owner of a seafood store does. SUDAFED -- Litigation brought against a government official.
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22/03/2007, 15h16
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This is a brillant thread - hilarious !!!!
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23/03/2007, 13h47
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Citation:
Rocco 
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bien riyé ! avoyé enkor ! |
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Fuseau horaire GMT. Il est actuellement 11h32.